Sunday, 1 December 2013

1st Blogiversary / 100th post

Yeah, I may have tweaked my posting schedule a little bit when I realized I was close to having my 100th post fall on my one-year blog anniversary.  So sue me.  I like the symmetry of it.

When I started my blog, we were gearing up for IVF #2 after our first was cancelled due to poor response.  I was beginning to realize that we were probably going to be in this for the long haul, and that getting through it was going to take a lot more support than I'd anticipated.  My endless infertility-related Googling had already led me to a couple of blogs where I'd been lurking, and I started to think that maybe I should just drop the pretense and admit that, since I was apparently already a member of this crappy club anyway, I wanted to be friends with the cool kids.  To do that, I'd need a blog of my own.  So on a chilly Saturday morning I hunkered down with my laptop, found a pretty background, and wrote my first post.

I also think I had a bit of a ridiculous notion that if I started my own blog, I'd get pregnant.  After all, it certainly seemed to me like I came across an awful lot of older blogs that had gone defunct after the blogger had a baby.  Perhaps it worked a bit like reverse psychology?  Start a blog to connect with other infertiles, and that would be the exact time that my body would decide to cooperate by making a baby.  If only it worked that way.

And yet, as I was flipping through my blog reader the other day, I realized that fully 40% of the infertility blogs that I subscribe to are either now pregnant or parenting (yeah, I did math!).  It's something I hadn't thought about when I started making blog-friends and getting so invested in others' stories.  That eventually they would move on, and I might not.  Some days, when I read about yet another BFP, I feel like a kid who's been left behind in school, with all of my classmates graduating to bigger and better things while I sit here, doomed to repeat the year all over again.

Please don't get me wrong.  I'm definitely happy for those of you who have had your babies or are on your way to that, and I hope nothing but good things for your pregnancies.  But it's an odd irony of infertility blogging that you eventually end up reading/hearing/knowing more pregnant people than you ever would in real life!  And yes, it's different...except when it's not.  Some days I'm feeling good and it's easy for me to chime in and comment on a pregnancy-related post.  Then there's the others, when I'm feeling low or I'm reading a post that's asking for advice on diaper genies or cracked nipples, and I find that I just have nothing to say.  That's not my world.  My world is still follicles and stims, blastocysts and CD1s.  I know no one blames me when I don't have it in me to comment on pregnancy stuff...but I at least wanted you all to know that I wish I could.

When I look back at my first blog post, what I'm struck by the most is my first comment.  The lovely Tutti, who no longer blogs, wrote the following:

I am *so* glad you are here! We've all lurked. All wondered if we should join the club. All been afraid to make the plunge. I don't make promises often (like you said, no crystal ball) but I PROMISE you that you will never regret having this blog. The support and love you will receive and give is something that you cannot get anywhere else. Welcome m'dear.

How right she was.  Thank you all.

21 comments:

  1. I think about 70% of my blog list is now moms and/or pregnant. I won't lie, I didn't think I would still be waiting four years later, but I also know that each day brings us one day closer.

    Happy blog aversary and hoping that 2014 is a very special year for you :)

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  2. Happy anniversary! I for one am very glad you started blogging! But I understand how it can be a double edge sword with all the pregnancy announcements. It was the same with my support group - I ended up being close with way more newly pregnant people then I ever would have otherwise!

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  3. Happy anniversary! My blogoversary is tomorrow!
    Blogging has changed me- for the good. I love it. I hope that 2014 is YOUR year! Keep writing because I promise to keep reading!!

    HUGS!!

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  4. I've been blogging for over three years. I started out as a newly engaged blogger, then a wedding planning blogger...then a newlywed blogger....and now this. An infertility blogger. I feel like I want to write a post like this too. I've had newlywed blogger friends, who quickly turned into mommy bloggers that take great offense when I stop following and commenting. I want to write a giant, "It's not you, it's me...well it's kinda you" post. Ha!

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  5. Happy Blogiversary/100th post!! I am so glad you decided to start blogging :)

    I started my blog more than 3 years ago when we were adopting from Colombia, and (like you) I anticipated I would be writing about far different things over the years. As you said, it's funny how we join this world of IF blogging to connect with other infertile women who are in the same situation as you, and the more time you spend blogging the more pregnant/parenting people you end up knowing. It's so hard to feel left behind.

    Once you do reach the end of the road to parenthood (whatever that will be for you) I'm sure you will find another blogging community you can connect with. Parenting/Adopting/Being Childless after infertility is not the same as doing those things as your first choice. It feels good to connect with others who are in the same boat, wherever that boat will sail :)

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  6. Happy blogaversary!! What an amazing first comment you received. I am so glad you started blogging too. I am grateful for your friendship, and I am sorry for being one of those that has contributed to you feeling left behind. I am really hoping that I will get to cheer you on, though, as you eventually move on to pregnancy and then parenting yourself. It's such a rough road, one that I completely understand, but I do sincerely hope the path is leading you toward your own little one. I enjoy your sense of humor and dry wit. Here's to another year of blogging into uncharted territory!!

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  7. Happy blogiversary!! I LOVE that you are sharing your journey. I also love that comment... How true!

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  8. I love your blog! Happy Blogiversary.

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  9. Happy blogiversary/100th post! I remember feeling similarly left behind not too long ago. It's hard when those around you are all striving for the same goal, but some cross the finish line well ahead of you. It's one of the pitfalls of belonging to a community of (mostly) women who are all trying to get pregnant by whatever means necessary. A lot of us eventually do, and some of us don't. I firmly believe you'll find yourself in the first camp (although, I know it can't come soon enough), but no matter what, I'm so glad you're part of this community (even though I hate that any of us has to be here).

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  10. Happy Blogiversary!! What a great post! I stalked blogs for MONTHS before taking the leap myself and I agree...it was a good move!
    And we know the pain of seeing BFPs...I've written that I actually stop actively following once a person is safely pregnant. I am of course SO happy for them....but I just have to control when I see such updates. I'm not proud of that...but I know that if ANYONE can understand this...it's fellow infertilies.

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  11. Happy, happy Blogiversary! I am a newbie to stalking your musings, and this particular post really speaks to me. I unshamedly stalked blogs and stories forever before I decided that I really needed a support group. It can get so very lonely when every person I know or am around is starting a family and there is no one I can even begin to talk to about our baby making struggles. That being said, I am rooting for this being your year!

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  12. Happy blogoversary. You are right; we need the support and I have never regretted reaching out to people either, although it was difficult at first. I hope this coming year brings good news for you!

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  13. I've really enjoyed your blog--I hope you do graduate so we'll be reading about your baby questions.

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  14. Happy Blogiversary and 100th post!
    I remember having this odd idea that I'd get pregnant as soon as I'd start blogging... too bad it doesn't work this way. But I very much hope that you'll be asking diaper questions before the next blogiversary rolls around!

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  15. Happy blogiversary! It occurs to me that mine is coming up, as well. I, too, lurked for a while then decided I wanted to be part of it so finally took the plunge. I am happy to have found you and your blog through this craziness. It makes me smile when you continue to comment on my posts because I know reading my posts can't always be easy. I'm glad you stuck around. I fully expect to be following your pregnancy and answering questions about diapers before long.

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  16. Happy blog anniversary to you! I love your blog. You always have great things to say. Feeling left behind sucks-- I hope that 2014 brings you nothing but happiness.

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  17. Happy blogiversary! I feel the same about my blogroll!

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  18. Happy blogiversary my friend! I'm very glad that you turned from lurker to blogger. I've been so blessed to get to know you and show support for one another over the last year!

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  19. Happy 100th and blog anniversary. I'm so glad we 'met' this way

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  20. Happy Blogiversary to you! I truly enjoy reading it, and I'm very glad that you're here.

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  21. Hey I know that feeling of being left behind. I am hopeful that 2014 will bring you good news and you fall on the other side of the statistics. I love your blog and I am grateful for your support.

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